I slept for most of spring break. I felt refreshed and content during my time away from school. Yet now, I am tired again. Every part of my being seems to sag—including the spiritual me.
I am tired of striving to “come near to God [so] He will come near to [me]” (James 4:7). I want some time off from loving and serving Him—quitting the ministries I am involved in, pausing the friendships I am pouring myself into and forgetting my desire to make good grades in order to glorify God with my resources. I want a break from living a righteous life. I am spent. Burnt out. Drained.
Before writing this, I sat on my roommate’s bed and, looking out the Mayfield window, told God I wish He would just love me as I am. I asked Him to understand that I am tired right now and that I do not feel like being a Christian . . . to please not hold the lack in my current production of good deeds against me.
Perhaps it was the act of sitting down that cleared my head. I do not do that very much. I tend to feel that if I am not doing homework, spending quality time with people or doing something spiritual like reading the Bible, then I must be wasting time. But sitting there looking out the window, I was reminded of Christ’s grace and the fact that His love does not depend upon my level of busyness.
We college students are good at keeping our schedules full. This crazy idea creeps into our heads that if we are not involved in at least two extracurricular activities, spending our weekends with friends and constantly tired, then we must be doing something wrong. Or perhaps it is the notion that we are not doing something right.
Our western mindset of “doing” has turned us into a University full of Marthas. Remember that story? Jesus came to visit the home of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. While Mary sat and listened to Jesus, Martha busied herself with preparations she considered necessary. Yet, Jesus responded to the women by saying, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her” (Luke. 10:41).
Mary, the woman who sat at Jesus’ feet and listened rather than served, merited Christ’s approval.
Good deeds are important. We should strive to make the most of our time at school. Yet, serving and investing ourselves in activities is not the only means of pleasing our Creator. Sometimes God calls us to sit quietly and do nothing but listen for His voice.