In a mere three weeks, I will have completed 19 years of school. 19 years! What I have done for my entire life will be over, and I will have to start all over again. I have to become a grown up. I have to find a job. I have to get health insurance and pay loans back. I have to do all this in a few short weeks. Frankly, I am terrified.
I have edited my resume countless times and tried to create a winning cover letter that says pick me. When all that is before me comes crushing down, all I want to do is go to school for another year and put this all off for a little longer, but I can’t.
Then there are times when I feel completely at ease and some rational part of me wins me over saying that it will all work out eventually. It always works out, but it all depends on how long it takes to work out. I don’t know how long I can wait.
I try very hard to remember that I really don’t have to worry because God does have a plan for me, but when all my worry comes crashing down is hard to hold on to that thought.
Then there is a part of me that is excited to start this new chapter of my life. I am excited to start working and taking care of myself. It will be nice to be something other than the poor college student for a change.
I hate, along with probably every other senior, the question of what am I going to do after I graduate. I don’t know. Work anywhere that will take me!
I know that I will most likely not get my dream job right out of college. I will work my way up from the bottom like most people and that’s ok. I can handle that as long as I, at least, get a job.
Whenever kids say they can’t wait to be a grownup and the grownups say they wish they could be a kid again, I wish I could be a kid again. But we can’t go back only forward and I plan on making the best of whatever situation presents itself.
Being at this point in life oddly reminds of a Martina McBride song. This is odd because I rarely listen to country music let alone Martina McBride. For some reason or another, the lyrics from the song “This One’s for the Girls” have always stuck with me for the different stages in my life. For right now, “This is for all you girls about twenty five/ In a little apartments just tryin’ to get by/ Livin’ on dreams and spaghetti-o’s/Wonderin’ where your life is gonna go” describes my life perfectly.
College has been a wonderful, crazy experience. I have made lifelong friends and made memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t change anything and I am ready for the next chapter of my life, but I am still scared as hell for what’s to come. I just remember that God’s got my back and Martina McBride knows exactly what I am going through.