Opinion

May the best spy win

The most stressful time of the year is almost here. No sleeping, no eating, no relaxing—always on the move. That’s right. It’s almost time for Spy vs. Spy.

But have no fear, the Threefold Advocate has the tips you need to be the top spy.

1. Stock up on Slim Jims and orange juice. You won’t be able to go to the caf for at least a week, but you’ll need to keep up your energy for the hunt.

2. Temporarily shut down all your online profiles. If your hunter doesn’t know you, the first thing he/she will do will be to look you up on Facebook. (Fortunately, most of you look significantly different from your student ID photo from freshman year to remain in relative anonymity.)

3. Keep duct tape always on hand. Your water gun is a fragile piece of artillery. One leak and you could be out of ammo at the opportune moment.

4. Move off campus and become a part time student. If you only have to come to campus for a couple hours each week, they’ll never catch you.

5. Find some allies. Non-spies who are not participating in the competition make the best ones. They want to experience the adventure without the stress and are less likely to stab you in the back. If you can afford to be picky, choose an ally who knows a lot of people.

6. Never go anywhere without your gun. Duh.

7. Purchase a black balaclava, dye your hair, find some dark sunglass, and always carry a Threefold Advocate with you. Mastering the art of camouflage is a must.

8. It’s easy to hide, but the best spies can hunt. You have got to do whatever it takes to get the “kill squirt” (within the University handbook limitations). Whether that’s laying in the back of your target’s unlocked car for hours on end or staking out behind the bushes after each of your target’s classes. Just stay within reason.