Thank you, Strategic Management, for requiring an 86-page business plan that investors will stop reading after the Executive Summary…found on page three.
Thank you, John Brown University, for choosing incredibly thin toilet paper that reminds us of Bible pages.
Thank you, BPAC parking lot, for not getting upset at Day Students cursing you because there are never enough parking spaces on campus.
Thank you…Balzer Technology Center. For keeping me long enough to not know what day it is when I leave after studying.
Thank you…JBU mailbox…for always reminding me that people at home need to be reminded of me.
Thank you…Caf…for being the most stable and predictable thing about college when everything else seems to be so confusing.
Thank you, J. Alvin, for making me King of Nine Square and giving me confidence in my beard. Thank you for proving that J. ALVIN RULES!!!
Dear Kresge Dining Hall, thank you for making us question our motivation for unnecessary additional servings. When in want of utensils, drinks or more than one bowl, it takes several trips to collect a full meal’s worth because your trays are too small to accommodate more than one of anything at a time. We are constantly forced to decide between staying seated with friends or getting up a fifth time. P.S. Your chairs could not possibly be more awkward or inconvenient. But altogether, JBU loves you (especially on Wednesdays).
Thank you “Keep off! Chemicals have been sprayed!” signs, for giving me hope that walking in the grass will give me superpowers.
Thank you, cathedral balcony, for giving me the opportunity to finish homework for my 11:30 class and still receive chapel credit.
Thank you, student loans. I can never repay you.
Thank you, JBU, for trying to trick your student population into thinking rugby is just as good as football.