Learning to surrender my trust to the Lord is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have always enjoyed having a step by step plan, a daily planner to keep track of my tasks and a predictable future. Coming to college changed me. When I was a freshman, if you had asked me about my major and what I wanted to do with my future, I would have panicked and told you, “I don’t know.” I felt pressured to choose a career path that would determine the course of my life for the next 40 years. As my friends described the joys of beginning their major-specific classes and learning about the opportunities to shadow professionals, I worried that I was undeclared. I struggled to trust that the Lord would show me the right path in his time. I also resisted giving him control over my circumstances. I enjoyed having a structured schedule with few interruptions, and I liked the idea of knowing I could handle anything.
As my time at JBU progressed, the Lord pushed me out of my comfort zone to encounter situations I did not have control over. I had to learn to trust in his timing to fulfill his plan. For example, when it comes to relationships, as I have expanded my base of friendships through work and school, I have come to realize that people have different beliefs and experiences than I do. In my role as a friend I go from being available to give advice to simply listening and neutrally affirming where that person is. I have no control over someone’s circumstances or how they choose to deal with their situation, but God uses those circumstances to push me to surrender that time to him so he can use that situation as he wishes. Giving him my trust and control is hard to do, but it gets easier each time.
Now I am a senior in my last semester at JBU, and I am looking for a graduate school to attend in the fall. Earlier in the year, when asked about my next step in life, I would calmly reply, “I don’t know. I deeply care about what the next phase of life looks like, but I’m not worried about it.” Worrying about the future only wastes time. I can use that time by accomplishing my tasks as I trust the Lord to see his plans through. When I look back at freshman year and see how far the Lord has brought me, it gets easier to surrender my trust because I fully believe that God has my best interest in mind. Now I know that whether or not I see a clear path to take, I fully surrender my trust to God because his plans are perfect and he only asks for my faith.