“Lord, pull me closer to who I’m meant to be close to, and push me away from the one I’m not meant to be with,” was the prayer Maddi Garrett said three times before eventually dating Liam Baumgardner. Garrett and Baumgardner had come to John Brown with the intention of not dating their first year of college. In fact, Baumgardner didn’t expect anything besides working how God wanted him to. Still, God had other plans for these two, what Garrett calls “a specific reason.”
It began with their mutual friend Shelby Brewer. Brewer had first gotten to know Baumgardner through a JBU Bound event near her. They were both art and illustration majors and began to get acquainted with each other. Brewer took pictures of Baumgardner for a school project, which Garrett eventually saw. Brewer and Garrett both followed the JBU Bound Instagram, and they followed each other. Brewer noticed Garrett “like” many of the same things she did. After Brewer posted a story related to Star Wars, Garrett responded and had an “instant connection” Brewer described. Immediately, they decided to become roommates at JBU. Shelby invited her two friends, Garrett and Baumgardner, from separate parts of her life to the JBU GroupMe. The GroupMe led to a Discord which led to Brewer noticing Garrett and Baumgardner playing Minecraft together and chatting. “Maddi would talk about Liam, and it was really adorable.” It was clear there was a connection between the two of them that became more real when they all landed on campus in 2021.
Garrett said she knew she liked Baumgardner a lot but had gone through so many heartbreaking relationships before that she didn’t know if it was smart to enter a relationship. Baumgardner, meanwhile, had never dated anyone before. Not long after spending Orientation and the first week of classes almost inseparably, Garrett confessed her feelings to Baumgardner, and both had decided not to date while in school. Garrett said, “He asked me out the next day, and I said yes.”
Dating is an odd double-edged sword at a Christian university. Marriage is promoted with a strange intensity, paired with a strain to “save for marriage,” which makes connections difficult to navigate. Young adults are told to stay pure and hold back. Shame and judgment come from not doing so. Any romantic affection can be frowned upon, augmenting the dating experience with confusion. The “ring by spring” culture is part of that double-edged sword, scarring many. However, the secular world outside Christian universities views dating as a non-marital self-service. Hook-up culture separates emotional connection from physical pleasure, while stereotypical Christian dating views emotional attachment as a gateway drug into physical attachment.
Baumgardner said, “Traditional Christian beliefs don’t typically train or teach or translate the Bible with how to date someone.” He explained the context of marriage in Biblical times was often about uniting tribes or improving quality of life for parents, but marriage now has nothing to do with that social structure. Baumgardner said it’s hard to “take what God has said about marriage and translate that into dating,” and it’s “hard to not follow what the world says.”
Garrett stressed the importance of “having relationships rooted in Christ, not consumed by passions and lusts of this world,” which she said applied to all relationships. For Garrett and Baumgardner, the decision to come together in their relationship was always Christ-centered.
Brewer said, “I think they believed God was leading them together and that it would be better to be together than to not.” One of the ways they’re better together, Brewer explained, was how Baumgardner is there for Garrett amid her mental health struggles. “Liam is there for her and points her to Christ in what she’s going through. I think it’s just great that they’re there for each other in like all situations…They complement each other in a way that they keep each other in check. They give different perspectives.” Brewer also says that, in witnessing their relationship over the past few months, “I can tell that they’re growing as a couple in a healthy way.”
Something Garrett and Baumgardner do together is worshipping and praying together. They recently spent time together worshipping God in different ways. Baumgardner made drawings while Garrett played music and sang. Baumgardner said it’s not the traditional form of worship but is still something they’re able to do together in their unique ways. Garrett said, “In this relationship, we’re able to do that.”
Any Christ-centered relationship will bring the other person back to Christ, help them grow and build them up when they’re struggling—exactly what Garrett and Baumgardner have been doing for each other. Baumgardner and Garrett’s relationship is not only Christ-centered, but also values communication, boundaries and deepness. People can be afraid to get deep and personal in their relationships because of the pressure of marriage, fearing that would lead to other intimate actions. Baumgardner and Garrett firmly believe in getting to know the other person when you’re dating. Garrett suggested asking questions like, “How are you doing with Christ right now?” Garrett added, “Get to know the person you’re with deeply, but that requires knowing Christ deeply.”
Part of that deepness comes with open, honest and authentic communication, something which Baumgardner and Garrett said they are still working on. Garrett said, “Authenticity is part of communication. To truly know someone is to truly love them, and to truly love someone is to truly know them.” Garrett encourages people to have a “conversation about your feelings. Share your intentions.” For Garrett and Baumgardner, feelings aren’t something to suppress or fear, but something to express.
Of course, boundaries accompany open communication and deep personal expression. Shelby noticed early on in their relationship, “The first thing they did even before dating was place boundaries. They were just very adamant about placing boundaries.” Boundaries, physical or emotional, vary among people and relationships; yet, they are incredibly important for a dating couple.
Baumgardner said, “Boundaries are great because they prevent you from getting caught up in the emotions or heat of the moment.” Boundaries, however, must be mutually respected and upheld by both parties, something that helps one another grow and be held accountable. Garrett added that boundaries have shifted as time continued, and that’s okay; they can grow with the couple. The “ring by spring” culture is another reason why it’s important to have boundaries. “Gotta be passionate but not obsessed,” Baumgardner said.
“The minute you begin obsessing it, it becomes an idolization, and any idol takes you away from Christ,” Garrett agreed. “If your end goal is marriage right off the bat and not getting to know the person, you might not like who they are.”
“Or you might not be ready,” Baumgardner added.
For those who are struggling in the dating world on a Christian campus, confused between the secular and Christian cultures’ opinions, Garrett and Baumgardner offered their advice: “No point to rush it or put it off. It’s a matter of knowing the best time to ask them out.” Liam also said that, though it’s cliché, “Be yourself.” Garrett and Liam encourage others to genuinely get to know the person you’re interested in on a deep, personal level—and, above all, invite God. God knows what’s best for each person. Sometimes, God puts people together because He knows they’re not only better together but they bring each other closer to Him.
Photo courtesy of Shelby Brewer